This was guilt day, because thanks to the Internet, Jan and I were well aware that Pittsburgh and environs not only continued to reside in an Arctic deep freeze, but there was in the forecast a massive winter storm that would likely bury the region in almost a foot of snow. Do you have any idea how hard it is to read something like that when it is 80+ degrees outside, the sun is shining, and everything about the day screams “tropical?” Such torture!

If truth be told, I have always been leery of 'snowbirds' - those Northern residents that 'escape' the winter by relocating to Florida, or Arizona, or anyplace warm. As I get older, however, this bi-temperate lifestyle is starting to make a lot more sense.

I know people have remarked that ETC-Global aspires to the old British imperial mantle of “The Sun Never Sets on the ETC,” but it is much more honest to paraphrase it as, “It is Always Summer Somewhere in the ETC!” Trust me when I say our global expansion just seems to be working out that way, though it is indeed an amazing coincidence, eh?

The highpoint of today was lunch. Lunch replaced dinner as the culinary pinnacle of the day because we opted to try one of the optional restaurants on board Queen Mary 2. It used to be the case that passengers on ocean liners were assigned to either an early or late seating in a specific restaurant at a specific table, and that was your designated eating time and table for the duration of the cruise. That is all changing as ships get larger and people desire more individualized choices then ever before (gee, sounds reminiscent of the demands for more individualized entertainment experiences, like those provided by interactive videogames and environments - how strange!).

In fact, Norwegian Cruise Lines is experimenting with cruise vessels offering completely optional dining choices for the entire voyage. Instead of one or two primary restaurants with assigned dining times and table arrangements, the ship will feature fourteen or more specialty restaurants, each offering unique culinary options. The onus in that environment will be on passengers making reservations well enough in advance to guarantee first choices while securing variety.

There are few optional dining choices on QM2, but one of them is called Todd English. It carries that moniker because the menu is devised by an award-winning chef by the same name. Now, I admit I had never heard of him. I thought the restaurant was named for some fellow named Todd who *happened* to be English; I mean, after all, this is the Queen Mary 2 based in Southampton, England; so having an “English” restaurant seemed to make sense, even though no other peoples in the civilized world are as 'culinary-challenged' as the English. Let's face it: English cuisine is an oxymoron.

After reading Todd English's biography, I was cheered to learn he was the recipient of the James Beard Award. That tickled me because very few people realize that James Beard, the George Washington of American cuisine, graduated from Carnegie Tech as a Drama major. Though he never really acted on stage, his flair for the dramatic and overall charisma and panache served him well as America's first real cooking superstar.

Anyway, lunch at Todd English wasn't a meal, it was a culinary expedition. There is an up-charge of $20/per person added for lunch, and $30 per person added for dinner, and, while this additional charge might seem a little outrageous given the overall cost of cruising on board the QM2, the quality of food and its presentation made that seem a veritable bargain.

This was truly a five-star experience. Menu choices were plentiful yet sinful in their intrinsic promises of taste bud overload. The food descriptions contained a none-too-subtle allure of excess, as in “Can all those ingredients possibly work together?” The temptation was so overpowering that guests seemed practically forced into ordering more than one could possibly eat if only to taste these culinary experiments (by the way, that kind of logic is called “rationalization” - for anyone new to self-deceit).

Our experimentation lasted over two hours, and by the time we waddled out of Todd English there was no question but that a nap awaited. Barely squeezing through the increasingly narrow corridors on our deck, we entered the room with one, and only one, desire: speed up the digestive process any way possible. I knew already that dinner wasn't going to happen (for me at least), but feared this degree of satiation might render further caloric intake unnecessary for the remainder of the cruise. And, I had paid to partake in all these meals!

Fortunately, Jan awoke the beached whale in the bed next to her just in time for us to get dressed and attend the evening performance by a comic magician named Neal Austin. This fellow was utterly magnificent. His act reminded me of classic English music hall entertainment, at least the non-musical entr'actes featuring oddballs of myriad useless talents.

He juggled, made things disappear, bent spoons, did balloon tricks, but in actuality didn't *do* any of those things. This ineptness as a magician was the source of his hilarity. His “magic” represented the overthrow of logic and deconstruction of rationalism by virtue of torpedoing the audience's expectations with regards to what a magician did and how he/she did it.

In that respect, Neal Austin was the most 'freeing' performer yet. His act captured my personal 'super objective' for being on this cruise: namely, experiencing a completely rejuvenating vacation while simultaneously working full-time. Tonight I realized how that made as much sense as a magician who couldn't perform magic.

The result and reaction is the same: just laugh yourself silly.